Monday, March 31, 2008

Drought to Deluge

Walked through water this morning on the way to meet a student. Predictable exclamations about the changeable weather. Ridiculously warm last week, now back to freezing. Drought to deluge. Oh, this weather! Next up, we will be talking about The Speech from March. Ah, American politics, so many quirky, complex workings, so rich with vocabulary and nuance. "Voter apathy" and "partisan politics."

By the time we finished a couple of hours later, it was really "coming down." Boldly messy. Students and shoppers dashing about either covered to the gills (as I tend to be) or lightly covered with a light jacket or a Tshirt (!?) and no umbrella. It makes coming back inside feel that much more cozy.

And then.

... God dammit. I just saw news of another local woman killed by someone who she'd had a restraining order against. I have to pause to scream in frustration. *Grrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaiiiigh!!!* When are we going to find a solution to protecting people who are beset with crazy, violent, and controlling people?? *siiiiigh*

I've known controlling men. I've been lucky to extricate myself with a middling dose of drama. Except for that one guy I was engaged to... who for years later would call me up long distance and talk nonsense. Yeah. I'll tell you that story some time.

On Da Udder Blog, I told the sordid drama of an ex-friend who perpetrated a lot of controlling behavior, culminating in a few unhinged crazy scenes before I slammed on the door on her for good. I could see it coming, but I didn't nip it in the bud, and then that...

I've even been controlling myself, based on fear, but I've let most of that crap go. These days, I find myself resisting any hint of controlling behavior, however innocent.

It's so easy to get sucked into other people's weird patterns until one learns the hard way. I don't blame this young lady at all... my god, she was only 18!~~ Too young to have learned to firmly avoid the controllers... to slap him down, leave him in the ditch, and walk briskly far, far away... And even then, a really persistent stalker can make your life scary hell. What else could she have done? That's the sad thing, really. Are we so helpless in the face of societal vultures that they pick off whoever they please? Don't answer that--it's too depressing.

What? Too much drama already? I agree. I get worked up about these things, but I'm trying to ... let it go a little. I don't want to *live* there. (What did Schmutzie call it? Congenital morbidity?) So let's get back to the rain. Please.

Considering the amount of drought we've been suffering in the last year, this kind of soaking is very welcome. Although it has been truly *messy* weather--no half-hearted sprinkle here-- I was struck by how *clean* it looked, sluicing away the dust and dirt accumulated from 10+ months of no car washes, washing away the early pollen, washing the pink cherry blossoms to bedraggled silk. I am reminded of a German word: gließen. It's pouring, flowing, sluicing, even. "Es gließt." We need a good sluicing. Renewal.

Bright, sherbet-colored tulips glowing against the dark wet ground.

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