Saturday, February 28, 2009

Parenting: Wildlife Edition

The scene: a small interior with wood floors and furniture.
Baby clothes lie strewn across the couch. In the corner: a combination crib and changing table. A bag of laundry hangs from the side. A trash can of dirty diapers is nearly full. A stack of rumpled newspapers sections lie on the floor.
The mother stands cradling her fussing infant.

Morgan Freeman voice narrating.

Narrator in voiceover: The mother has been nursing her child for the previous several hours. The father has been eating and resting, but now it's the mothers turn to eat. It's been a long time and she has not eaten since she woke up. She is starving.

Pan across the room. The father, wearing pajamas, is arranging a long strip of cloth around his body.

VO: The parents must arrange for the safe transfer of the baby. This is called "passing the egg."

Shot of baby being cradled in the mother's hands, being passed to the father hands.

Cut to a shot of the father inserting the infant into the sling.

VO: The mother ensures that her baby is safe before making the journey to the kitchen.

The mother helps arrange the cloth folds across his shoulders and back. Close up of the father's hand tucking the tiny foot into the folds of cloth and adjusting the material.

VO: When the baby cries, it's the Dad's turn to make the long trek across the tundra

Long shot of a baby in the sling, rocking back and forth as the father walks.

VO: so that the mother can gain sustenance to feed her young.

Zoom in on a bowl of oatmeal.

VO: The mother heads for the kitchen and forages for a hearty breakfast.

Shots of mother preparing to eat bananas and bread.

VO: There she will eat to store energy for it may be a long time before she eats again.

Shots of juice and Cadbury chocolate Easter eggs.

VO: The couple meets briefly to confer before going their separate ways.

Couple stands in hallway, speaks briefly, kisses and moves away.

VO: Until once again, the Dad starts his weary trek, across thousands of millimeters of hallway to the other side of the house.

From the back, the father lurches, shuffling down the dimly lit hall.

VO: There is no rest for the weary Dad as the Mother plays and cavorts, seeking information on information on child-rearing and house cleaning.

Fade to black with the sounds of running bath water and a baby starting to squeal and fuss.

Special thanks to Mr. Sweetie for certain seminal passages of commentary.


Tracy said...

oh no I have been there, all I can say is it will pass, it doesn't seem like it would ever be possible, but it will....honest.
i used to hang one of those essential oil infusers, in Z room when he was a baby, not sure if it made things calm, but it certainly smelled good.
hang in there

Joy! said...

Oh, it's not too bad! :)
After seeing the documentary March of the Penguins, we tend to see way too many parallels to our own parenting experience. So we amuse ourselves by making jokes about it.

Flying Saucer Jones said...

Ah yes. We made two such documentaries although ours were narrated by David Attenborough. ;)