I couldn't go to sleep last night, but still somehow never got around to writing anything.

I had been busy all day catching up with lots of big and little jobs. Everything from mixing up yet another batch of cookie dough to cleaning out a box for craft supplies, to airing out the tent. To watering the plants, to cleaning out the cars, to putting away the little girls books and toys that pile up in drifts, to giving the cat his injection, to confirming plans with my cousins. To clipping coupons, to wiping noses, to washing/drying/folding/putting away yet another load of laundry, to feeding myself a late night snack of toast and tea while reading on my latest library book so that I could settle down enough to sleep.

I get like this sometimes: full of vigor and focused purpose. It's the lists, probably, and eating well, all those vitamins in the green leafy things, and the threat of my time cut short - getting ready for a trip while waiting for the contractor to show up - can you say a leetle tense? Maybe not so much tense as motivated!

Items still on my lists:

Clear kitchen counter for contractor (load dishwasher, wash plastic lids, finish making that batch of cookies)

Work on my next program (coming up this weekend, lots to arrange and think about)

Call bank (they've reset my password without telling me and how can I transfer money to pay the contractor without knowing my current balance?)

Write bills (this is easy enough when I do it as I go along)

Email the yardwork guys (I have high hopes, but it may wait until after Thanksgiving)

Cut felt for the Advent calendar (I am behind, but I need a bit of space to work)

Mail chocolate to my friend in the middle of a stressful move (It's in the package, needs stamps)

Cut back the lantana (This monstrosity takes over my front garden bed every Summer, but it's pretty and the butterflies and occasional hummingbird likes it. But then it stinks and gets all hard-thorny if I wait too long)

Call/email the maternal support program at the local health center. (I have boxes and boxes of clothes to pass on to them)

Finish photobook (I have a good deal, but I have to finish it before the end of the week! Yeek!)

Send my sister her birthday card/present

Write check for the cat sitters

Deliver key to the cat sitters

Return library books before we leave town!

Deliver the old-time music CD to a caller friend (good prep for her next gig)

Start packing

Follow up on the energy retrofit (We are on to the second round of forms and applications - yay for tax credits!)

Wash the kitchen floor (it always needs it)

And...

Wait! wait! There's more! Wait! Come back!
Oh, never mind. You get the idea. :)

With a toddler around, everything takes longer. No wonder I have a hard time going to sleep - even after she's down, I want to cram in as much as I can! The lists help me keep everything on track.

But really, I need my sleep. As much as I am motivated about tackling things left undone, I need to toddle off to bed. At least I wrote a little tonight.

Tootle-oo!
--

Lightly Filtered

I'm trying a couple of new things recently, both exciting with possibility.


Finally, I signed up for Miss Smarty Pants (see FlyLady) to refocus on sorting out my wardrobe or lack thereof.

Years ago, I worked in high-end picture framing, which meant that I had to look good for working out front with clients, but not so good that the hands-on work in the back room would trash my clothes. My answer to that was mostly camp shirts and blouses with khakis. Can I say that I am damn sick of that look? It is not me! So I've been gradually getting rid of those old clothes, and now... *ahem* my clothes are suitable for a stay-at-home-somebody, alright. Speaking of persona, that is not really me, either.

Problem is, I need to look reasonably professional for the teaching work, but I have gradually outgrown a number of dresses and all of my pants that are not clothes-swap jeans. Last time I went pants shopping, it was a disaster - during the height of the spandex craze. *shudder* So my wardrobe as a whole has been shifting toward the utilitarian through benign neglect and lack of finding the right thing. Here I've spent all of my clothing dollars on high quality backpacking gear, but I don't have a decent pair of slacks to save my life. Wait, I do... but just one.

So the wardrobe as a whole needs some punch. I refuse to fall back into the whole 70s look, yet I am not a fashion enthusiast. So what to do? It appears that layers is the way to go these days. Now if I can find something not too tight or skimpy... Thank the Fashion Goddesses that MSP is showing me the way. Have I mentioned the personalized body profiles?

I don't expect to find everything I need all at once, and anyway, large sudden changes tend to flop under their own weight, but I am heartened by the new ideas I have been exposed to through MSP. So it IS possible. Must go shopping and see if I can start filling in some of the gaping holes in my closet. Mother's Day isn't until next weekend, right? So there should still be some good sales going on. Baby steps...



The other neat new thing I'm excited about is joining a online woman's writing group. I had already restarted this blog to write about my life (or more importantly, to motivate myself to write more). So it was serendiptious that a writer friend asked if me if I'd be interested in being invited to this group. Yes! Wonderful how the Universe gives you a gift right at the moment you open space for it. I am looking forward to "playing" and stretching myself a little more. Writing with/for a group is its own challenge apart from writing for ones own satisfaction. As it turns out, there's more stretching involved than in just the writing...

Over the years, I have worked to keep my perfectionism on a short leash (Down! Sit! Good girl! Have a snack.), and I'm pleased to have learned to roll with that pretty well. So: "Writing is like exercise. You've got to do it everyday. And it's not always divine." Nooo, it's not. The important thing is to keep writing. As with many other things in my life, I need to worry more about the *doing* and less about the final mythically perfect product. (...to the degree that my mother now gets frustrated when she is trying to teach me the precise way to perform a quilting technique, while I barrel ahead because I don't want to get stymied by my perfectionism yet *again*. Hellooo childhood self, but I digress...)

So the writing, wow, the writing. Such wonderful amalgamations of language and thought and emotion and mood... To talk to and work with excellent writers is stimulating and a little intimidating. Not only because of my own modest pace, but because I am expected to comment and interact online as well. I am such a lurker. I read, I appreciate, laugh, cry, savor the neat turn of phrase or admire the pacing. But giving back out of my dis-jointed thoughts is a challenge.

Often I don't comment on blogs because because I'm dubious whether a comment is worth making or whether it's just a piece of flotsam passing through the ether of my brain. After all, there are legitimate times to be thoughtful and stay quiet. Even when I feel I have something useful to say, I don't usually have time to spent half an hour crafting that perfect piece of feedback. So with the commenting as with the writing, I have to push myself to just DO it. Just do it, already. It's okay if it's not perfect or if the thoughts don't fall neatly in line. If I had to edit all my ideas to perfection. I'd never get around to writing or talking at all.

Thank goodness for editing, though. It's the filter on my brain. :)
New tagline? Joy o' Life, Lightly Filtered* Ha! Okay, time to get back to work.


Oh, did I mention the joy of working with other creative and thoughtful women? Yes!


* Thanks for Shalet for the reminder of the filter idea.