1. Thunderstorms that roll through with dramatic lightning and drenching rains.
2. Creamy havarti cheese. I could eat this on rye every day and often do.
3. A clear sunny day to pick blueberries, diving into the bushes and brushing aside branches and leaves to find the undiscovered ripe ones.
4. Being reminded of swimming in lakes and ponds of my youth. Does that not spell "Summer"?
5. "I just can't, I just can't, I just can't control my feet. Don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on the moonlight, don't blame it on the good times; blame it on the boogie."
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Cute Is In The Details
I've been folding and sorting all these baby clothes people have been giving us. This includes finds from my Dad and sister, pass-alongs from friends, lovely things from relatives, and my own thrift store and yard sale acquisitions. It's quite the bounty, not just the gifts, but the found and passed-on clothing.
As I shake out a pair of wee little pants* to put on my daughter, Mr. Sweetie muses out loud, "Why do they put pockets on pants this small? They can't seriously imagine that babies are going to need pockets!" Why indeed.
*pants= that's trousers for you Brits.
When some clothes look too gender-specific in patterns or colors, or replete with cute little pockets or bows or even bizarre little decorations, I have to wonder, who are the clothing companies making these for?
Certainly, the babies don't care if they look cute. Most of them are already overflowing with cuteness. These design details are just superfluous.
Of the colors and patterns, I can guess that for those early babies, it can be hard to tell the gender of a child without additional cues. The code is: Trucks and Teddy bears and Rugby stripes are for boys and Flowers, Hearts and Butterflies are for girls. Never mind those arguments about how boys should be allowed to wear pink and little girls can wear anything with truck appliques. (Yeeeeaaah, right. Try that sometime and see how many people you confuse.) Or never mind even that we shouldn't be so concerned with gender at all.
Let's just admit for now that we humans are fixated on gender. I have come to accept that humans like to categorize things, and often aren't happy until everything can be placed in its box. I stymie the process with my love of greens and yellows on my little girl, but we have our share of pinks.
Oh, yes. Pink! The love or bane of every little girl. It's true that we have a load of cute clothing, but not all of it is pink. When we heard someone was throwing us a baby shower, I even asked for non-gender specific clothing to attempt to ward off the tsunami of pink. But we do have our share of it, yes, and darn it if it isn't cute, cute! I tell you.
One early favorite was pink terry cloth with a skunk applique. Why a skunk, I have no idea, but it's quirky and it's cute, and someone dear gave it to us. It was also well-worn and reliably soft and fuzzy. Alas, the little Wookie has already grown out of it!
And most of the onesies and sleepers - even the ones in yellow or green - have these adorable little details that the baby is in no position to appreciate. While breast feeding, I have been in a position to examine an awful lot of onesies and sleepers for hours. Most of them have bits of embroidery with ducks or "I love Daddy" or bizarre little bugs and flowers designs. Somebody, I think to myself, went through the bother of designing this schlock, decided it was good, then sent it overseas to be assembled with 6 different colors of embroidery thread. Or they designed these little pockets that needed a different kind of fabric and a matching ribbon. That's serious dedication to cute.
And then there are the ruffles, ribbons, and lacy edges. The necklines and sleeves of little girl onesies often have a line of thread that is stitched in a such a way to resemble a line of lace. It's ingenious, actually. Oh my, the ruffles. There is something about ruffles on the butt that makes people say awwwwww!
One of my favorite sleepers is a lovely shade of deep lavender with dear little tucks across the front and embroidered flower details in plum, pink and green. When the little Wookie wore it, she looked particularly adorable. Not only was it well-designed and well-made, it suited her auburn-ish coloring to a T. I was delighted when she grew into it, and I could hardly stand it when she finally outgrew it. boohoo!
Another of my favorites is absurdly girly. It's pink with a kind of silvery fleck pattern woven in, lacy edgings, a blowzy over-sized cut, and best of all, a couple lines of fabric ruffles sewn across the butt. It is not my style at all, but it is freakin adorable on the little Wookie. It makes me want to cuddle her to pieces, and snuggle her forever. What the heck is it about these soft pink ruffles that render me insensible?
I won't even get into the pink and cream sleeper my aunt sent me. Okay, okay, I will! It's pink with scattered dots of soft-cranberry and pinks with cream details and the cutest little lamb applique in two colors of soft fake fur and plenty of embroidered details. Oh my goodness, this thing is so cute!!
And my daughter hasn't even started pursuing textures to pet this little lamb, or has even learned what a lamb is yet! And yet, it inspires all kinds of feelings.
Since in the two months it's taken me to write this post, she's outgrown this sleeper as well. Boohoo!
I am starting to think that infants clothing is simply an outlet for our passionately in-love feelings about babies in general. Seeing or snuggling a cute baby in an adorable outfit heightens our feelings of love, awe and tenderness just that much more. What a cutie! What a sweetheart! We are often, or if lucky, always, smitten, and the clothing just screams: How insanely adorably can we be? The answer is: very.
I suppose babies are the same way. Little tiny noses, tiny sneezes, rows of perfect toes, ears, baby tears, chubby cheeks with dimples, the way they smack you with their hands or smack their lips after drinking milk to their stomach's content.
So while they are pretty cute to begin with, the details overwhelm us. And once we're insensible, they'll scream mighty decibels into ones ear at close range or klonk one in the head with flailing limbs or skull.
So scream in my ear, make me go deaf, turn purple, gift me with a creative array of fluids, yes and don't forget to kick me in the breast or klonk me in the face. Wear those ruffles and flash your dimples and I'm yours forever. May it be so.
--
As I shake out a pair of wee little pants* to put on my daughter, Mr. Sweetie muses out loud, "Why do they put pockets on pants this small? They can't seriously imagine that babies are going to need pockets!" Why indeed.
*pants= that's trousers for you Brits.
When some clothes look too gender-specific in patterns or colors, or replete with cute little pockets or bows or even bizarre little decorations, I have to wonder, who are the clothing companies making these for?
Certainly, the babies don't care if they look cute. Most of them are already overflowing with cuteness. These design details are just superfluous.
Of the colors and patterns, I can guess that for those early babies, it can be hard to tell the gender of a child without additional cues. The code is: Trucks and Teddy bears and Rugby stripes are for boys and Flowers, Hearts and Butterflies are for girls. Never mind those arguments about how boys should be allowed to wear pink and little girls can wear anything with truck appliques. (Yeeeeaaah, right. Try that sometime and see how many people you confuse.) Or never mind even that we shouldn't be so concerned with gender at all.
Let's just admit for now that we humans are fixated on gender. I have come to accept that humans like to categorize things, and often aren't happy until everything can be placed in its box. I stymie the process with my love of greens and yellows on my little girl, but we have our share of pinks.
Oh, yes. Pink! The love or bane of every little girl. It's true that we have a load of cute clothing, but not all of it is pink. When we heard someone was throwing us a baby shower, I even asked for non-gender specific clothing to attempt to ward off the tsunami of pink. But we do have our share of it, yes, and darn it if it isn't cute, cute! I tell you.
One early favorite was pink terry cloth with a skunk applique. Why a skunk, I have no idea, but it's quirky and it's cute, and someone dear gave it to us. It was also well-worn and reliably soft and fuzzy. Alas, the little Wookie has already grown out of it!
And most of the onesies and sleepers - even the ones in yellow or green - have these adorable little details that the baby is in no position to appreciate. While breast feeding, I have been in a position to examine an awful lot of onesies and sleepers for hours. Most of them have bits of embroidery with ducks or "I love Daddy" or bizarre little bugs and flowers designs. Somebody, I think to myself, went through the bother of designing this schlock, decided it was good, then sent it overseas to be assembled with 6 different colors of embroidery thread. Or they designed these little pockets that needed a different kind of fabric and a matching ribbon. That's serious dedication to cute.
And then there are the ruffles, ribbons, and lacy edges. The necklines and sleeves of little girl onesies often have a line of thread that is stitched in a such a way to resemble a line of lace. It's ingenious, actually. Oh my, the ruffles. There is something about ruffles on the butt that makes people say awwwwww!
One of my favorite sleepers is a lovely shade of deep lavender with dear little tucks across the front and embroidered flower details in plum, pink and green. When the little Wookie wore it, she looked particularly adorable. Not only was it well-designed and well-made, it suited her auburn-ish coloring to a T. I was delighted when she grew into it, and I could hardly stand it when she finally outgrew it. boohoo!
Another of my favorites is absurdly girly. It's pink with a kind of silvery fleck pattern woven in, lacy edgings, a blowzy over-sized cut, and best of all, a couple lines of fabric ruffles sewn across the butt. It is not my style at all, but it is freakin adorable on the little Wookie. It makes me want to cuddle her to pieces, and snuggle her forever. What the heck is it about these soft pink ruffles that render me insensible?
I won't even get into the pink and cream sleeper my aunt sent me. Okay, okay, I will! It's pink with scattered dots of soft-cranberry and pinks with cream details and the cutest little lamb applique in two colors of soft fake fur and plenty of embroidered details. Oh my goodness, this thing is so cute!!
And my daughter hasn't even started pursuing textures to pet this little lamb, or has even learned what a lamb is yet! And yet, it inspires all kinds of feelings.
Since in the two months it's taken me to write this post, she's outgrown this sleeper as well. Boohoo!
I am starting to think that infants clothing is simply an outlet for our passionately in-love feelings about babies in general. Seeing or snuggling a cute baby in an adorable outfit heightens our feelings of love, awe and tenderness just that much more. What a cutie! What a sweetheart! We are often, or if lucky, always, smitten, and the clothing just screams: How insanely adorably can we be? The answer is: very.
I suppose babies are the same way. Little tiny noses, tiny sneezes, rows of perfect toes, ears, baby tears, chubby cheeks with dimples, the way they smack you with their hands or smack their lips after drinking milk to their stomach's content.
So while they are pretty cute to begin with, the details overwhelm us. And once we're insensible, they'll scream mighty decibels into ones ear at close range or klonk one in the head with flailing limbs or skull.
So scream in my ear, make me go deaf, turn purple, gift me with a creative array of fluids, yes and don't forget to kick me in the breast or klonk me in the face. Wear those ruffles and flash your dimples and I'm yours forever. May it be so.
--
Friday, July 10, 2009
Grace in Small Things 25:365
1. Blueberry cobbler, still warm from the oven, with ice cream on top, and shared.
2. Philosophical discussions about our parents and what we would do the same or differently as them as we parent our own children.
3. A highlight of Summer: light, antipasto dinners with all food freshly picked from local gardens.
4. Refining a clean new logic out of an overgrown filing system.
5. Crosswords puzzles in the newspaper.
--
2. Philosophical discussions about our parents and what we would do the same or differently as them as we parent our own children.
3. A highlight of Summer: light, antipasto dinners with all food freshly picked from local gardens.
4. Refining a clean new logic out of an overgrown filing system.
5. Crosswords puzzles in the newspaper.
--
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Small Accomplishments Mid Summer Edition
Yet another edition of Small Accomplishments. Boy, have I been keeping busy!
Well, with Mr Sweetie on vacation for most of this month, we have enjoyed many hours of leisure. Some of those have been used for bumming around on the computer, taking naps, following the nuances of international politics, and reading novels. But with an extra parent in the house, I've gotten more things done, too!
Here's a short list:
Started clearing the corner of the kitchen where the first set of new cabinets will be installed. Remember that project from last Fall? Yeah, we are still working at it... slowly. My job is to clear the stuff out of that first corner. There aren't any existing cabinets there, only shelving and more shelving and some wire racks on the wall. It has acquired a Pile O Random Crap and Food & Cooking Related Gear (hee hee!), so man, did this need it.
I'm proud of myself for working at it incrementally. Small steps include: finding boxes in the basement of the right size and cleanliness, storing boxes of kitchen materials (aluminum foil, wax paper, zip lock bags), storing and organizing plastic food containers, moving free-standing wire racks to a new location, throwing out a variety of stuff, evaluating little bits and pieces of items, finding new places to put food stuffs that are both neat and accessible, ETC.
I'm really pleased with my progress because I have been doing little pieces of that job in five minutes here, five minutes there for the last two weeks. It's less intimidating to approach all those minute decisions in increments, which is lucky because that's the time I have! Tonight I moved some old glass containers off the the lightweight shelving, finished clearing the last two shelves of random crap, and did a preliminary wipe-down of the last two shelves.
I'm even more motivated since I realized last week that the larger shelving unit would go perfectly in the little Wookie's closet. We need better storage options there, and this is it! Next up, I'll have to clear out random wrapping paper and fabric crap from that closet before I can move the shelving in and start putting away our piles of baby gear. But as you can tell, baby steps gets it done!
*whew!* That was a biggie. What else?
Swept the floor, swept up kitty litter, did several loads of laundry including a heavy-duty bed sheet washing, dusted the dresser, cleared out some nursing bras that *do not fit*, and cleaned the tub again.
I finally finished packing up the baby clothes for my cousin (due to give birth any week now), and mailed them off to her. Once again, I did this in increments. I found a good size of boxes in the basement. I cleaned them out. I bought more packing tape on one of my around-the-town errands. I folded and sorted the piles of clothing and other gear to fit. I wrote out our and her addresses on slips of paper for inside the boxes. I wrote her address on a sticky note for when I went to mail them.
... I was stymied for a while by one of the items I had in the pile. It's the little lavender sleeper that I am so sentimental about. I also sighed over other pieces of clothing... soo cute and soo sentimental, but now way too small for this little girl!! I was glad that I could give them to someone especially special.
I finally realized I was not ready to give up that one special sleeper and that my ambivalence was holding me back from finishing the job. Once I admitted that to myself, I said, Well, okay! I took out the one I could not stand to give up, sealed up the rest of the goodies, and took the boxes to the post office and watched them sail away with satisfaction. *whew!* Another big one.
Oh, and I also bought more stamps.
Caught up a little on filling out the baby book.
Read through several years of baby gear, clothing and toys recalls. I now have a good idea of the oft-cited hazards to inspect for!
Sorted and recycled most of my pile of typing and lined paper to reuse. My mantra here was: file for retrieval. if I couldn't find it to use it, I'd never use it, so out it goes! The remaining pile is neat and accessible. Now for the rest of the supplies closet!
I threw out gobs of design examples. I have that artist's tendency to collect neat stuff for my eyes to look at. I was brave and ditched about three folders worth of ads, brochures, ETC, saving only a few select pieces. I have lots more cool visual stuff lurking all over, but every bit of culling helps!
I looked at all of my many file folders and made a master list of all of the names. I then went all "mind-map" on my list and came up with a better plan of organization. I am so proud of myself for tackling this filing monstrosity, but it's so convoluted, it deserves its own post! After writing several more paragraphs, I filed it away (ha!) for another occasion to write it up more clearly. You can thank me later. :)
Prepared a stack of bills. I put the little slips in the envelopes, stick on stamps of appropriate postage and write return addys or stick a label thereof, pencil in the last day each given bill should go in the mail, and clip them to the pile on the fridge.
Watered plants, looked for the tomato cages, pinch-pruned a few plants.
Went by the local fabulous bakery and bought really excellent bread. Restrained myself and didn't eat it all at once.
Threw out several product boxes that we don't need, no we don't! Broke down small cardboard boxes for recycling.
Changed the air filter, consolidated hand soap dispensers. For some reason, we always have a couple extra that are mostly empty. Urrrg! Filled the one, consolidated another, threw out an annoying dispenser.
Figured out what was wrong with the printer. Turns out one of my recent browser upgrades had knocked the driver silly. I un,-, then re-installed the printer driver, e voila! It works. I also helped my husband figure out what was wrong without screaming in frustration once.
Washed that baby and scrubbed her head. Little baby dandruff head has been put in remission... this week. hehe
Petted the cats. Oh yes, they loved this.
Took baths most days. Ahhhh. I am loving this. I feel almost human. :)
Went for lovely walks almost every evening. Mr Sweetie and the little Wookie typically go on an afternoon walk down the street before the LW's nap. Then we often take a longer walk around the neighborhood in the evening. It is good to be out walking, let me tell you. LW likes to look at everything and say Oou! Oouah! Ooungee! And that's really funny to see her react to everything around her. So I not only get exercise, but I get to hang out with my two favorite people. Yeah!
Danced. Taught a beginners workshop. Danced some more. Get in socializing with friends, musicians and various others.
Learned to pay attention to signs that the LW is getting to be a combination of hot/tired/hungry/cranky *before* she melts down. Intervening when she's getting too overloaded. Whisking her away and making everything okay.
Called my sister. Both of them live busy lives, so it's nice to catch up!! Went on a hike with a small family grouping.
Went out on our first date alone since the little Wookie was born! This also deserved it's own post.
Wrote this post!
My husband has been at home the last few weeks, and he's been getting things accomplished too:
Getting up at 5:30 a.m. to go running. This gives him time to both go running and get his exercise in while the baby and I tend to still be asleep so we can all have more time together during the rest of the day.
Successfully fended off requests to travel for work projects this summer. He's getting really good at this!
Researched and bought a small, compact video camera. This is specifically because we are seeing our daughter's babyhood slipping by so quickly. We do take pictures (although I am months behind in processing the images). I even take a few video clips with my camera, although they are relatively low quality and difficult to work with for editing, etc. Mr Sweetie really wants some footage of how the little Wookie giggles and squeals when he kisses and blows zerberts on her belly. I really want footage of all the little baby moments like how she looks around and "talks."
Mowed the lawn, and mowed the lawn and mowed the lawn. It's a jungle out there. He's also hacked back some old brush, unearthed some piles of old wood that have never been cleaned up and hauled at least 4 loads of brush to the city dump. Go Mr. Sweetie!
Oh, there is more... lots more! But I'm getting tired, so let's stop there for a while.
Viva la long summer days!
--
Well, with Mr Sweetie on vacation for most of this month, we have enjoyed many hours of leisure. Some of those have been used for bumming around on the computer, taking naps, following the nuances of international politics, and reading novels. But with an extra parent in the house, I've gotten more things done, too!
Here's a short list:
Started clearing the corner of the kitchen where the first set of new cabinets will be installed. Remember that project from last Fall? Yeah, we are still working at it... slowly. My job is to clear the stuff out of that first corner. There aren't any existing cabinets there, only shelving and more shelving and some wire racks on the wall. It has acquired a Pile O Random Crap and Food & Cooking Related Gear (hee hee!), so man, did this need it.
I'm proud of myself for working at it incrementally. Small steps include: finding boxes in the basement of the right size and cleanliness, storing boxes of kitchen materials (aluminum foil, wax paper, zip lock bags), storing and organizing plastic food containers, moving free-standing wire racks to a new location, throwing out a variety of stuff, evaluating little bits and pieces of items, finding new places to put food stuffs that are both neat and accessible, ETC.
I'm really pleased with my progress because I have been doing little pieces of that job in five minutes here, five minutes there for the last two weeks. It's less intimidating to approach all those minute decisions in increments, which is lucky because that's the time I have! Tonight I moved some old glass containers off the the lightweight shelving, finished clearing the last two shelves of random crap, and did a preliminary wipe-down of the last two shelves.
I'm even more motivated since I realized last week that the larger shelving unit would go perfectly in the little Wookie's closet. We need better storage options there, and this is it! Next up, I'll have to clear out random wrapping paper and fabric crap from that closet before I can move the shelving in and start putting away our piles of baby gear. But as you can tell, baby steps gets it done!
*whew!* That was a biggie. What else?
Swept the floor, swept up kitty litter, did several loads of laundry including a heavy-duty bed sheet washing, dusted the dresser, cleared out some nursing bras that *do not fit*, and cleaned the tub again.
I finally finished packing up the baby clothes for my cousin (due to give birth any week now), and mailed them off to her. Once again, I did this in increments. I found a good size of boxes in the basement. I cleaned them out. I bought more packing tape on one of my around-the-town errands. I folded and sorted the piles of clothing and other gear to fit. I wrote out our and her addresses on slips of paper for inside the boxes. I wrote her address on a sticky note for when I went to mail them.
... I was stymied for a while by one of the items I had in the pile. It's the little lavender sleeper that I am so sentimental about. I also sighed over other pieces of clothing... soo cute and soo sentimental, but now way too small for this little girl!! I was glad that I could give them to someone especially special.
I finally realized I was not ready to give up that one special sleeper and that my ambivalence was holding me back from finishing the job. Once I admitted that to myself, I said, Well, okay! I took out the one I could not stand to give up, sealed up the rest of the goodies, and took the boxes to the post office and watched them sail away with satisfaction. *whew!* Another big one.
Oh, and I also bought more stamps.
Caught up a little on filling out the baby book.
Read through several years of baby gear, clothing and toys recalls. I now have a good idea of the oft-cited hazards to inspect for!
Sorted and recycled most of my pile of typing and lined paper to reuse. My mantra here was: file for retrieval. if I couldn't find it to use it, I'd never use it, so out it goes! The remaining pile is neat and accessible. Now for the rest of the supplies closet!
I threw out gobs of design examples. I have that artist's tendency to collect neat stuff for my eyes to look at. I was brave and ditched about three folders worth of ads, brochures, ETC, saving only a few select pieces. I have lots more cool visual stuff lurking all over, but every bit of culling helps!
I looked at all of my many file folders and made a master list of all of the names. I then went all "mind-map" on my list and came up with a better plan of organization. I am so proud of myself for tackling this filing monstrosity, but it's so convoluted, it deserves its own post! After writing several more paragraphs, I filed it away (ha!) for another occasion to write it up more clearly. You can thank me later. :)
Prepared a stack of bills. I put the little slips in the envelopes, stick on stamps of appropriate postage and write return addys or stick a label thereof, pencil in the last day each given bill should go in the mail, and clip them to the pile on the fridge.
Watered plants, looked for the tomato cages, pinch-pruned a few plants.
Went by the local fabulous bakery and bought really excellent bread. Restrained myself and didn't eat it all at once.
Threw out several product boxes that we don't need, no we don't! Broke down small cardboard boxes for recycling.
Changed the air filter, consolidated hand soap dispensers. For some reason, we always have a couple extra that are mostly empty. Urrrg! Filled the one, consolidated another, threw out an annoying dispenser.
Figured out what was wrong with the printer. Turns out one of my recent browser upgrades had knocked the driver silly. I un,-, then re-installed the printer driver, e voila! It works. I also helped my husband figure out what was wrong without screaming in frustration once.
Washed that baby and scrubbed her head. Little baby dandruff head has been put in remission... this week. hehe
Petted the cats. Oh yes, they loved this.
Took baths most days. Ahhhh. I am loving this. I feel almost human. :)
Went for lovely walks almost every evening. Mr Sweetie and the little Wookie typically go on an afternoon walk down the street before the LW's nap. Then we often take a longer walk around the neighborhood in the evening. It is good to be out walking, let me tell you. LW likes to look at everything and say Oou! Oouah! Ooungee! And that's really funny to see her react to everything around her. So I not only get exercise, but I get to hang out with my two favorite people. Yeah!
Danced. Taught a beginners workshop. Danced some more. Get in socializing with friends, musicians and various others.
Learned to pay attention to signs that the LW is getting to be a combination of hot/tired/hungry/cranky *before* she melts down. Intervening when she's getting too overloaded. Whisking her away and making everything okay.
Called my sister. Both of them live busy lives, so it's nice to catch up!! Went on a hike with a small family grouping.
Went out on our first date alone since the little Wookie was born! This also deserved it's own post.
Wrote this post!
My husband has been at home the last few weeks, and he's been getting things accomplished too:
Getting up at 5:30 a.m. to go running. This gives him time to both go running and get his exercise in while the baby and I tend to still be asleep so we can all have more time together during the rest of the day.
Successfully fended off requests to travel for work projects this summer. He's getting really good at this!
Researched and bought a small, compact video camera. This is specifically because we are seeing our daughter's babyhood slipping by so quickly. We do take pictures (although I am months behind in processing the images). I even take a few video clips with my camera, although they are relatively low quality and difficult to work with for editing, etc. Mr Sweetie really wants some footage of how the little Wookie giggles and squeals when he kisses and blows zerberts on her belly. I really want footage of all the little baby moments like how she looks around and "talks."
Mowed the lawn, and mowed the lawn and mowed the lawn. It's a jungle out there. He's also hacked back some old brush, unearthed some piles of old wood that have never been cleaned up and hauled at least 4 loads of brush to the city dump. Go Mr. Sweetie!
Oh, there is more... lots more! But I'm getting tired, so let's stop there for a while.
Viva la long summer days!
--
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Her Bad Mother, My Bad Guilt
Blogger Her Bad Mother recently wrote a terrific bad mother manifesto of sorts. How we are all collectively caught up in trying to live up to the ideal of the perfect mother. The "Good Mother." Excellent. I encourage you to check it out.
This post really resonates with me. There are so many mothering things I feel I should be doing, so many ways I don't live up to my ideals.
I loved this post in particular because it hits at the mothering side of perfectionism. I have made great strides in rejecting the perfectionism I learned from my parents, but as a relatively new mother, I'm wading through the weeds yet again, longing for a happier, shinier shore. ha! There is no such perfect shore. I know that.
I have yet to use cloth diapers as I had hoped. Yes, I'm a wimp.
I hardly ever give her a full bath. I wipe her down every day.
Sometimes I get so frustrated, I yell. OMG, I'm scarring her for life. Ack!!!!
Sometimes I ignore the fussing and crying and go pee or eat some lunch. Before I fall over.
It hurts my heart to be less than the Good Mother. But really I'm just an ordinary mother.
Or the short version, from my comment there:
This post also reminds me that noone is served by my guilt about what I haven't done or managed to accomplish. I always want to do better by my daughter. I don't think that will change. What I want is to stop beating myself up with guilt and allow myself more compassion for myself, doing a reasonably good job (most of the time) in difficult circumstances of raising a young child.
When is this ever easy? Never.
Some days I hold my shit together, not always happily, not always well, but I make it work. Some days I don't have enough reserves and I just lose it and have to regroup. Some days I'm so good, I'm freakin Mary P0ppins over here.
This parenting thing is all on-the-job training; I learn from my mistakes, and I try to not beat myself up about it. And that seems to be the key. Why hit each other with that Good Mother guilt? Why hit ourselves? Enough of that, I say.
I saw some of my husband's colleagues recently, briefly. One woman rhapsodized over the baby, how beautiful and wonderful she was, all the amazing things you get to experience as a mother, a parent. Then her voice dropped a little and she asked how I was doing at home. I said I was doing okay. Oh, I cried every day... she said. I could have hugged her. I loved that she acknowledged that this parenting job is as freakin hard as all get out (I'm censoring myself), and even though her kids were teens, she still remembered how hard it was. How hard it can be. And I told her about the first weeks after my husband went back to work that I cried every day too.
I'm doing fine, really I am. I love being a mother. I'm just trying hard to not whack myself with that Good Mother stick on those days that I don't. Blessings to all mothers!
--
This post really resonates with me. There are so many mothering things I feel I should be doing, so many ways I don't live up to my ideals.
I loved this post in particular because it hits at the mothering side of perfectionism. I have made great strides in rejecting the perfectionism I learned from my parents, but as a relatively new mother, I'm wading through the weeds yet again, longing for a happier, shinier shore. ha! There is no such perfect shore. I know that.
I have yet to use cloth diapers as I had hoped. Yes, I'm a wimp.
I hardly ever give her a full bath. I wipe her down every day.
Sometimes I get so frustrated, I yell. OMG, I'm scarring her for life. Ack!!!!
Sometimes I ignore the fussing and crying and go pee or eat some lunch. Before I fall over.
It hurts my heart to be less than the Good Mother. But really I'm just an ordinary mother.
Or the short version, from my comment there:
I'm an ordinary mom too. When things get rough, I keep repeating to myself: I'm doing the best I can. Which over all is pretty good, it's just swaddled in the guilt of not living up to the Good Mom ideal or my better self. It's a particularly sharp stick with which to whack myself with when things are going badly. My DH, though, tells me I'm a fantastic parent, and that thank god we have each other to hand her back and forth in the middle of those late-night screaming fests.
This post also reminds me that noone is served by my guilt about what I haven't done or managed to accomplish. I always want to do better by my daughter. I don't think that will change. What I want is to stop beating myself up with guilt and allow myself more compassion for myself, doing a reasonably good job (most of the time) in difficult circumstances of raising a young child.
When is this ever easy? Never.
Some days I hold my shit together, not always happily, not always well, but I make it work. Some days I don't have enough reserves and I just lose it and have to regroup. Some days I'm so good, I'm freakin Mary P0ppins over here.
This parenting thing is all on-the-job training; I learn from my mistakes, and I try to not beat myself up about it. And that seems to be the key. Why hit each other with that Good Mother guilt? Why hit ourselves? Enough of that, I say.
I saw some of my husband's colleagues recently, briefly. One woman rhapsodized over the baby, how beautiful and wonderful she was, all the amazing things you get to experience as a mother, a parent. Then her voice dropped a little and she asked how I was doing at home. I said I was doing okay. Oh, I cried every day... she said. I could have hugged her. I loved that she acknowledged that this parenting job is as freakin hard as all get out (I'm censoring myself), and even though her kids were teens, she still remembered how hard it was. How hard it can be. And I told her about the first weeks after my husband went back to work that I cried every day too.
I'm doing fine, really I am. I love being a mother. I'm just trying hard to not whack myself with that Good Mother stick on those days that I don't. Blessings to all mothers!
--
Monday, June 8, 2009
Grace in Small Things 24:365
1. Ear plugs for babies: bright hazard orange balls of silicon with just enough stickiness to stay put when mashed into place.
2. Lentil stew with kale, garlic, carrots, tomatoes, savory, bay leaf, oregano, and green curry paste.
3. La la la, la la la, Elmo's Song! "To think he wrote it himself!"
4. Baby giggles when one cleans under their chin.
5. Compact fluorescent light bulbs that last a looong time, use hardly any wattage and put out hardly any extra heat.
--
2. Lentil stew with kale, garlic, carrots, tomatoes, savory, bay leaf, oregano, and green curry paste.
3. La la la, la la la, Elmo's Song! "To think he wrote it himself!"
4. Baby giggles when one cleans under their chin.
5. Compact fluorescent light bulbs that last a looong time, use hardly any wattage and put out hardly any extra heat.
--
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Small Accomplishments Presents: Sushi & Shopping
Yet another installment of small accomplishments. I not only aspire to the things on my "to do" list, I celebrate that which I have actually done, no matter how small or mundane that might be.
1. Drove half an hour to meet a friend for lunch with little Wookie in tow. She's getting better in the car, but it takes planning and strategic timing. I make sure she's been well-fed and freshly-diapered. I have the paci* and other entertainments for her. I adjust the panda mirror that lets me keep track of her status in the backseat. I adjust her coverings so she's shaded but warm/cool enough. Then I pray. It usually works. It worked today, at least on the outward bound trip. On the inward bound trip, I had to stop to readjust the paci and coverings, then gritted my teeth for the rest of it.
* What some people might call a binky.
2. I put the little Wookie in the sling facing forward. First time I've really done that. She likes looking at things these days, so I tried it. Sitting down, not so hot. She can look about, but her feet either dangle or rest on my legs. The sling configuration is not the best support for her without a bottom to hold the cloth. And her little bottom had a tendency to press into my stomach, not ideal for when I'm eating! Judgement: bears tweaking.
3. I sat the little Wookie on my lap/leg while eating. This actually worked pretty well. She can sit up, see everything that's going on nearby, yet she's past the stage of attempting to pitch herself off my lap, while not yet at the stage where she's grabbing everything in sight. I could eat soup and sushi one-handed without dropping anything on her head. Judgement: It worked! Also easy to jiggle her if necessary.
4. I calculated a tip. Trust me; I don't have all my calculating brain today (um, this year?), so I was pleased that I didn't sweat this one too much. I admit that sometimes I give a 20% tip instead of a 15% tip to avoid further calculations.
5. I took the baby into a grocery store using a store baby carrier attached to a shopping cart. This was one of those molded seats. I spent a few moments figuring out how to secure the baby and how to adjust the fittings. I did add a burp rag layer under her for padding, and another layer over her for drool interference.
6. I kept the baby mostly happy throughout the store. Thank goodness I had a list. I barreled past a number of slow-moving shoppers with only slight qualms of guilt. Pardon me! 'Scuse me! I was pretty sure they'd rather I skidded past them than have to endure a screaming baby. I even made a mommy-fool out of myself, doing that high-pitched baby-talking, smiling at her, pretending to eat her toes, and cooing at her in the middle of my cashier transaction to distract her (the baby) from any awareness of disgruntlement. Ya do what ya gotta do.
7. Breast-fed the little Wookie in semi-public. My friend asked me if I had ever BFed in public. Here! I said. This isn't public, she semi-snorted. No, but it's a step up from stripping to the waist! This was still an accomplishment because I didn't have any of my usual accoutraments, no boppy pillow, no soft blankie, no shelf within reach to store needed items, no soft chair, no novel to read. I did borrow a small pillow to help hold her up. but then she kept falling asleep! Later I punted to a bottle. Oh yeah, I also kept her happy enough so that she didn't scream (too much) in my friend's office. Yes, let's not disturb the working peace.
8. I went shopping in the drug store only holding the little Wookie. Gee, I am trying out all sorts of carrying options recently. On one arm, I had the baby and a burp rag over the shoulder. On the other arm, I had the diaper bag and carried another burp rag. 'Cause you just know you'll need another one as soon as you put it down. I probably should have gotten a shopping basket, but I just carried everything, a glutton for punishment that I am. Found hair product, teether toys, gummy bears, et cetera. Then I checked out at the cashiers without loosing my wallet, sanity, or anything else. Parenthood: the art of juggling of at least five things at once without once dropping the baby.
9. Found bath soap for Mr. Sweetie. He likes bar soap for baths, so I'm always on the lookout for inexpensive, yet good quality soap. Not too fancy, but not too drying or harsh, and unscented or only lightly scented. I found another option today, inexpensive but likely good. We'll see how it goes.
10. I folded clean laundry, brought it upstairs, and put it away. Yeah. This is nice. Sometimes I don't get down there for days. 'Twas nice to finish up that load.
11. I downloaded photos from my camera. I haven't adjusted or posted any photos in the last six weeks, but at least everything is currently downloaded!
12. Ran more soapy dishwater and soaked another round of dishes. Part of my strategy for finishing dishes. At some point, I wash the dishes. Maybe later tonight.
13. Cleared out the pile of old newspapers from the nursing station for recycling. The pile was getting kinda unwieldy. Then I put those and other newspapers out in the bin.
14. I responded succinctly to someone nagging me about a health concern I am already aware of and was taking precautions for. Maybe this is not an accomplishment. I get annoyed about being nagged about health concerns, *especially* if I have already read a lot about it. As far as I'm concerned, unsolicited health advice is between me, my doctor and my husband, although my mother occasionally gets a pass. Folic acid! Calcium! she says. Anyway, it might be just as efficient to pretend that I didn't hear it, but I wanted to acknowledge that I already knew about the issue and was not interested in taking the hardline approach they seemed to be implying I should. "Don't you know that...!!!!" Uh, yeah, thanks anyway. Mini grouse: Who are they, the nutrition police? Yes, they are! I know they mean well. Maybe my favorite New York friend is rubbing off on me a little. She suffers no fools and always tells you what she thinks.
15. I kept mostly cheerful all day. When my daughter reads my moods and responds in kind, it's incumbent on me to keep my mood (or at least the manifestations thereof) upbeat in the face of adversity, no matter how large or how trivial those aggravations may be. Oy. So this is a big one. Yay, me!!!
16. Breast-fed the fussing baby while eating a cheese sandwich and fending off a disgruntled cat with a squirt bottle. I needed at least a couple of extra hands for this, but I made it work with my available ones. Some days I do all of the above while reading a book as well.
17. Inspected the garden. Some days I hardly get outdoors, much less pay attention to the yard, so this was big too. Oo! Look at the salvia blooming! Oh, there's some more monkey grass invading the front garden bed. I even pinched a couple of tomato plants (pruning for better growth) and admired the chive buds, marigolds and blooming parsley. All plants appear to be thriving. Tomorrow, I'll water.
18. Read some books to the little Wookie. Sometimes after feeding, she doesn't want to be either upright or lying down. I'll sit her in my lap and read Boyton and Dr Seuss books, and other things from my childhood. I especially like the books with rhyming and rhythmic language. It's fun! It's language exposure! She looks at the pictures and gurgles.
19. Threw out some trash. Expired coupons, current coupons, fundraising mail, church news, city news, toy packaging. Stuff comes in, I throw stuff out.
20. Changed the onesie. The little Wookie was getting all sweaty from running around in the heat. I hope she's acclimating, but meanwhile, we all can use a change of clothing after a sweaty day. She felt so much better afterwards. As a bonus, I washed her face. She loves that! Today I was washing her to not only clean but to cool off. I got at some of the neck gunk too. Classic "neck cheese" from milk and drool blorpage.
21. Put away all groceries. Everything in its place. I made a small bowl for snacking on of dark-chocolate raisins, raw almonds and chili-chocolate-covered hazelnuts. Then I hid the rest of the snacks to slow down our consumption!
22. Noted events in the calender then deleted emails. Consolidate, consolidate, delete, delete, delete.
23. Noted recent gifts on my master gift list. Stashed gift list and thank you note cards for easy access during nursing. At some point, I will start working on thank you notes again. As with many other things, I am running weeks and months behind. I do have high standards for myself. At the moment, I am avoiding email thank yous while holding out for written notes. I hope this doesn't turn into my never writing them at all. :P
24. Swept the floor in the bathroom. I keep a dustpan and broom right by the wastebasket for just this purpose. Helps me keep up with the ongoing kitty litter, kitty hair, and random dust.
25. Brushed teeth, brushed hair, got dressed, put on earrings, looked presentable in public. This does not sound exciting, but some days, this is a big deal. Today, it was a basic manuever.
26. Washed new teething toys in hot soapy water, and put them in bags to keep clean before use. There is not only a lot of drooling going on, but more *chewing* as well. We figure we might as well prepare for future teething! The toy links are also good for practicing grabbing and chewing.
27. Pumped breast milk. This was actually last night, late. The little Wookie was running behind on nursing, but fell asleep at her usual hour. I was left with a painful ache, which motivated me to drag out our very fancy breast pump (the new one) which I have hardly used since the little Wookie figured out how to latch and nurse. Ugga-ugga-goosh-goosh. Nobody woke up while it chugged away, and I got some slight relief.
28. Put out new wipes on the changing table and in the diaper bag. Gotta have the wipes handy. I have become a fan of the cotton-supplemented K1rkl@nds brand from, you know, that big bulk shopping place. (Shhhh! :) )
29. Stayed hydrated. I have been religiously drinking water every time I sit down to nurse, and often more. I find that my body craves it, so I do my best to keep up. I've been doing a good job in the last couple of weeks especially.
That's a pretty good list. Cool! Anything else? Oh yeah!
30. Wrote another post. Yay me!
Now I just have to wash bottles and prepare for tomorrow. How about you?
--
1. Drove half an hour to meet a friend for lunch with little Wookie in tow. She's getting better in the car, but it takes planning and strategic timing. I make sure she's been well-fed and freshly-diapered. I have the paci* and other entertainments for her. I adjust the panda mirror that lets me keep track of her status in the backseat. I adjust her coverings so she's shaded but warm/cool enough. Then I pray. It usually works. It worked today, at least on the outward bound trip. On the inward bound trip, I had to stop to readjust the paci and coverings, then gritted my teeth for the rest of it.
* What some people might call a binky.
2. I put the little Wookie in the sling facing forward. First time I've really done that. She likes looking at things these days, so I tried it. Sitting down, not so hot. She can look about, but her feet either dangle or rest on my legs. The sling configuration is not the best support for her without a bottom to hold the cloth. And her little bottom had a tendency to press into my stomach, not ideal for when I'm eating! Judgement: bears tweaking.
3. I sat the little Wookie on my lap/leg while eating. This actually worked pretty well. She can sit up, see everything that's going on nearby, yet she's past the stage of attempting to pitch herself off my lap, while not yet at the stage where she's grabbing everything in sight. I could eat soup and sushi one-handed without dropping anything on her head. Judgement: It worked! Also easy to jiggle her if necessary.
4. I calculated a tip. Trust me; I don't have all my calculating brain today (um, this year?), so I was pleased that I didn't sweat this one too much. I admit that sometimes I give a 20% tip instead of a 15% tip to avoid further calculations.
5. I took the baby into a grocery store using a store baby carrier attached to a shopping cart. This was one of those molded seats. I spent a few moments figuring out how to secure the baby and how to adjust the fittings. I did add a burp rag layer under her for padding, and another layer over her for drool interference.
6. I kept the baby mostly happy throughout the store. Thank goodness I had a list. I barreled past a number of slow-moving shoppers with only slight qualms of guilt. Pardon me! 'Scuse me! I was pretty sure they'd rather I skidded past them than have to endure a screaming baby. I even made a mommy-fool out of myself, doing that high-pitched baby-talking, smiling at her, pretending to eat her toes, and cooing at her in the middle of my cashier transaction to distract her (the baby) from any awareness of disgruntlement. Ya do what ya gotta do.
7. Breast-fed the little Wookie in semi-public. My friend asked me if I had ever BFed in public. Here! I said. This isn't public, she semi-snorted. No, but it's a step up from stripping to the waist! This was still an accomplishment because I didn't have any of my usual accoutraments, no boppy pillow, no soft blankie, no shelf within reach to store needed items, no soft chair, no novel to read. I did borrow a small pillow to help hold her up. but then she kept falling asleep! Later I punted to a bottle. Oh yeah, I also kept her happy enough so that she didn't scream (too much) in my friend's office. Yes, let's not disturb the working peace.
8. I went shopping in the drug store only holding the little Wookie. Gee, I am trying out all sorts of carrying options recently. On one arm, I had the baby and a burp rag over the shoulder. On the other arm, I had the diaper bag and carried another burp rag. 'Cause you just know you'll need another one as soon as you put it down. I probably should have gotten a shopping basket, but I just carried everything, a glutton for punishment that I am. Found hair product, teether toys, gummy bears, et cetera. Then I checked out at the cashiers without loosing my wallet, sanity, or anything else. Parenthood: the art of juggling of at least five things at once without once dropping the baby.
9. Found bath soap for Mr. Sweetie. He likes bar soap for baths, so I'm always on the lookout for inexpensive, yet good quality soap. Not too fancy, but not too drying or harsh, and unscented or only lightly scented. I found another option today, inexpensive but likely good. We'll see how it goes.
10. I folded clean laundry, brought it upstairs, and put it away. Yeah. This is nice. Sometimes I don't get down there for days. 'Twas nice to finish up that load.
11. I downloaded photos from my camera. I haven't adjusted or posted any photos in the last six weeks, but at least everything is currently downloaded!
12. Ran more soapy dishwater and soaked another round of dishes. Part of my strategy for finishing dishes. At some point, I wash the dishes. Maybe later tonight.
13. Cleared out the pile of old newspapers from the nursing station for recycling. The pile was getting kinda unwieldy. Then I put those and other newspapers out in the bin.
14. I responded succinctly to someone nagging me about a health concern I am already aware of and was taking precautions for. Maybe this is not an accomplishment. I get annoyed about being nagged about health concerns, *especially* if I have already read a lot about it. As far as I'm concerned, unsolicited health advice is between me, my doctor and my husband, although my mother occasionally gets a pass. Folic acid! Calcium! she says. Anyway, it might be just as efficient to pretend that I didn't hear it, but I wanted to acknowledge that I already knew about the issue and was not interested in taking the hardline approach they seemed to be implying I should. "Don't you know that...!!!!" Uh, yeah, thanks anyway. Mini grouse: Who are they, the nutrition police? Yes, they are! I know they mean well. Maybe my favorite New York friend is rubbing off on me a little. She suffers no fools and always tells you what she thinks.
15. I kept mostly cheerful all day. When my daughter reads my moods and responds in kind, it's incumbent on me to keep my mood (or at least the manifestations thereof) upbeat in the face of adversity, no matter how large or how trivial those aggravations may be. Oy. So this is a big one. Yay, me!!!
16. Breast-fed the fussing baby while eating a cheese sandwich and fending off a disgruntled cat with a squirt bottle. I needed at least a couple of extra hands for this, but I made it work with my available ones. Some days I do all of the above while reading a book as well.
17. Inspected the garden. Some days I hardly get outdoors, much less pay attention to the yard, so this was big too. Oo! Look at the salvia blooming! Oh, there's some more monkey grass invading the front garden bed. I even pinched a couple of tomato plants (pruning for better growth) and admired the chive buds, marigolds and blooming parsley. All plants appear to be thriving. Tomorrow, I'll water.
18. Read some books to the little Wookie. Sometimes after feeding, she doesn't want to be either upright or lying down. I'll sit her in my lap and read Boyton and Dr Seuss books, and other things from my childhood. I especially like the books with rhyming and rhythmic language. It's fun! It's language exposure! She looks at the pictures and gurgles.
19. Threw out some trash. Expired coupons, current coupons, fundraising mail, church news, city news, toy packaging. Stuff comes in, I throw stuff out.
20. Changed the onesie. The little Wookie was getting all sweaty from running around in the heat. I hope she's acclimating, but meanwhile, we all can use a change of clothing after a sweaty day. She felt so much better afterwards. As a bonus, I washed her face. She loves that! Today I was washing her to not only clean but to cool off. I got at some of the neck gunk too. Classic "neck cheese" from milk and drool blorpage.
21. Put away all groceries. Everything in its place. I made a small bowl for snacking on of dark-chocolate raisins, raw almonds and chili-chocolate-covered hazelnuts. Then I hid the rest of the snacks to slow down our consumption!
22. Noted events in the calender then deleted emails. Consolidate, consolidate, delete, delete, delete.
23. Noted recent gifts on my master gift list. Stashed gift list and thank you note cards for easy access during nursing. At some point, I will start working on thank you notes again. As with many other things, I am running weeks and months behind. I do have high standards for myself. At the moment, I am avoiding email thank yous while holding out for written notes. I hope this doesn't turn into my never writing them at all. :P
24. Swept the floor in the bathroom. I keep a dustpan and broom right by the wastebasket for just this purpose. Helps me keep up with the ongoing kitty litter, kitty hair, and random dust.
25. Brushed teeth, brushed hair, got dressed, put on earrings, looked presentable in public. This does not sound exciting, but some days, this is a big deal. Today, it was a basic manuever.
26. Washed new teething toys in hot soapy water, and put them in bags to keep clean before use. There is not only a lot of drooling going on, but more *chewing* as well. We figure we might as well prepare for future teething! The toy links are also good for practicing grabbing and chewing.
27. Pumped breast milk. This was actually last night, late. The little Wookie was running behind on nursing, but fell asleep at her usual hour. I was left with a painful ache, which motivated me to drag out our very fancy breast pump (the new one) which I have hardly used since the little Wookie figured out how to latch and nurse. Ugga-ugga-goosh-goosh. Nobody woke up while it chugged away, and I got some slight relief.
28. Put out new wipes on the changing table and in the diaper bag. Gotta have the wipes handy. I have become a fan of the cotton-supplemented K1rkl@nds brand from, you know, that big bulk shopping place. (Shhhh! :) )
29. Stayed hydrated. I have been religiously drinking water every time I sit down to nurse, and often more. I find that my body craves it, so I do my best to keep up. I've been doing a good job in the last couple of weeks especially.
That's a pretty good list. Cool! Anything else? Oh yeah!
30. Wrote another post. Yay me!
Now I just have to wash bottles and prepare for tomorrow. How about you?
--
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