Grace in Small Things 2:365

Grace in Small Things

1. Going for a walk on a sunny, cold day.

2. Glimpsing a blue bird!

3. Seeing a pair of owls in the neighborhood at dusk.

4. Bright red berries scattered on the ground.

5. Leftover cherry cordial-filled Hershey kisses.

Anticipation

Last week, a friend sent me a wonderful little package in the mail with little gifties for myself and the Kidlet. Each item was wrapped in some way, different kinds of envelopes and wrapping paper. It was all so delightful that I lingered over the unwrapping. One small, cute package was wrapped in colorful frog paper. I found myself being tempted to leave that wrapped just to savor the thrill of having something to unwrap!

Ahh, anticipation is such fun.

Or is anticipation is a large portion of the fun? Unwrapping, wondering, letting the wash of happiness that someone gave something to you wash over you, then marinading in well-being. Happy, happy.

Why get exactly what you want, as soon as you want it, when you can wonder what it is you are getting? It's that crest of the wave before things are known.

How much each gift gains from being hidden and presented.

It's knowing that someone thought of you and is bestowing some special thing. It's knowing that they anticipate in their own way, how much you will be surprised and appreciative of their choice. It's knowing that something is entering your life as a new thing.

It's knowing how easily one could miss the gift if one didn't have to wait some small or large amount of time to receive it.

A baby gestates, a package arrives, a date on the calendar slowly creeps forward, seasons shift and turn, a face long-anticipated comes into view. The wave gathers energy and rolls into your life. It's a good thing in the scheme of things.
--

A Routine Posting

The routine, the routine, keeps me going.

What passes for a routine?

I get something to drink, something to eat, I pee, I wash my hands for the first of umpteen times today and feed the Kidlet*. It doesn't always work out so smoothly; today, my instant oatmeal is still sitting on the stove where I didn't quite get it made. By the time we had a couple rounds of breast-feedings plus naps today, I had to go straight to lunch.

*By "feed the Kidlet," that includes priming the breast, warming up the nipple shield, rolling it on, getting the boppy pillow and flannel blanket in position, picking up baby (assuming she doesn't need another diaper change), getting her to latch, quiet tranquil time where she is feeding, then a burping and snoozle, and a realignment to the other side if she's awake, and it starts all over again. I didn't want you to think it was a short job.

I try to get in several rounds of feed and sleep in the morning. She eats, she naps. I nap with her because if I put her down, she's up again. So we might as well get some more sleep. If she sleeps, that is. Today, she didn't want to sleep. Mommy was very sleepy because she was up extra early listening to the Kidlet breathe funny, even though such snorfling is normal, they say. I was listening during Daddy time, so that was sleep lost.

Anyway, every other feeding or so, I add in some formula to supplement the breast-feeding per lactation consultant's advice, and that knocks her out more thoroughly and gives me (sometimes) some significant me time. I use my me time to go to the bathroom, eat, wash bottles, check email, etc.

At some point, I might get dressed. If I have an outside appointment, of course, I have to get dressed. It's a bonus if I have brushed my hair or taken a bath recently. I wipe the gunk off the Kidlet's eyes and face several times a day. Rediapering is of course a standard two-three hour routine.

Mr. Sweetie comes home and straps on the baby, and they take a nap together. I check my email, read the funnies, run hot water to wash dishes and prepare more formula/wash pump parts and bottles. I eat something! I look at my list and notice that I could take out the recycling tonight.

Ah yes, my list.

My favorite part is that every evening, I make a short list of modest tasks that I might, if I have a few minutes or several, could accomplish. For instance, label the food containers that people have given us. Or take out the trash, wash dishes, print photos for the grandparents, pick up the eye drops, sort hand-me-down clothes, pay that bill, return that call, return that email to a friend who last wrote me three weeks ago, bring up the laundry from earlier this week. Did I mention take out the trash?

My other favorite part is doing those small tasks and crossing them out! Yea!

Some small tasks can take me days or weeks to finish. Some days, nothing gets done. But the list gives me a place to start when my brain cannot remember what comes next.

I try to get to bed around midnight so that I get a good chunk of sleep. Getting sleep ups the odds that I will have a decent day the next day. Mr Sweetie takes the nighttime feedings. That's two whole shifts, although if the Kidlet eats a little sooner or later, the timing can be thrown wonky. Mr. Sweetie has to, has to go out the door by 7 or 7:30 for work. So if Kidlet eats late, I may have to finish that feeding. So anyway, I get ready to go to bed, shut down the computer, change back into pajamas if indeed I even left them, mix up more formula for the night, wash bottles and pump parts et al so that they are ready to go, all before I do the last feeding of the evening.

I haven't gotten a bath yet today. I have barely brushed my hair. I did brush my teeth, but I never got around to getting dressed. I did have to reheat that bowl of soup three times before I got to finish eating it. I couldn't put the kid down today.

And then tonight, I'll put in a load of laundry, put away clean dishes, wash a few more, heat some food, make another list, get ready for the first of the evening feedings. Maybe tomorrow I will finally pick up the eye drops.

Right now, I'm writing. Hello, internet. How have you been the last few weeks?
--

Signs that I am not pregnant any more

You may have discerned that I am not longer pregnant. Me too! Every so often, it hits me. For instance, when I notice:

1. Well, I have a baby! That's most obvious. Other signs include:

2. My fingernails start cracking and peeling. Back to my sucky nails, yes. When I was pregnant, they were freakin hard as, well, nails.

3. I can bend over and retrieve stuff off the ground! Wow! This is a novelty. I'm still not allowed to pick up anything heavier than 10 lbs, but still!

4. I don't need to eat every two hours. Now I need to pump/feed child every 2-3 hours. Similar, but different.

5. I can turn over in bed without major contortions.

6. Also, my hips don't pop when I turn over.

7. I can fit into early-pregnancy clothing again. Yes, I can wear those pants. Notice I did not say *pre*pregnancy.

8. I can lean over to flush the toilet without bracing myself against the wall.

9. People call me "mommy." Okay, they called me mommy before, but now they mean it.

10. My shoe laces are now tied mostly straight.

11. People have stopped trying to rub my belly.

12. I can see below the belly-button.

13. i can look behind me when I'm backing out of a parking space.

14. Water tastes good to me again.

15. My face looks slimmer rather than fuller (I'm told).

16. My wedding rings fit on my hand again!

It's sinking in. No more tracking my dietary intake. No more ignoring the state of the litter box. No more enduring pregnancy advice. Oh, wait; now on to parenting advice. Oh, joy. But it (being a parent, no longer pregnant) is, actually; it's a joy.
--

Small Accomplishments

I had minor goals today. And I accomplished several. Hooray for small accomplishments!

1. Got more that 4 hours of sleep at a time. We've been staggering our sleeping so we each get more uninterrupted stretches. This morning I woke after a *six* hour stretch, Lux-ury!

2. Took a bath. Oh yeah, this was a good one. And I managed to not fall over or soak my incision.

3. Washed dishes. This is one thing that makes me feel like the house isn't sliding out of control. My strategy: One small wash a day, regardless of how many or few. These are the other, everyday dishes; the breast pump parts get washed, on average, 8 times a day, not including the sterilizing brisk boil once a day.

4. Went for a walk in the park. Whoo-hoo! We knew it was supposed to be relatively nice weather, so we had planned for it. Still took us a while to get out. We had to work around feedings and naps for the three of us, but it was worth it. We went for a walk down the greenway with the snow still clumped alongside the path and felt sooo daring. haha! We also let baby girl know that this was one of those family things she should expect now that she's part of the family. Walking and hiking, oh my.

5. Remembered to eat the double chocolate ice cream Mr Sweetie picked up for us yesterday from a local dairy. Seriously delicious. No need to let that languish.

6. Took a short nap. This is very hard for me. When I have any available time, I always think about all the things I want to accomplish. So to actually *lie down* and even sleep for only a short time was tremendous.

7. Made new folders for baby-related paper. Health info and appliance manuals and that sort of thing. Might as well start being organized now.

8. Typed this entire post with one hand. One handed typing - whoo-hoo! And thus ends this day.
--

To Labor or Not to Labor?

Well, it's off to possible labor I go. Like earlier this week, we will go to an appointment and get a few tests done. Unlike the earlier appointment, we are well aware that we might not be coming home from the hospital today! Depends on whether they determine I actually have pre-eclampsia or "merely" pregnancy-induced hypertension. Yes, I am peeing into the "hat" for a day and icing my collection in the big orange jug.

Since I'm far enough along in gestation to not worry so much about the baby's level of development, any hint of pre-e will send me straight over to be induced. Which is rather earlier than we expected or would prefer! Which sent us into a couple days of last-minute frenzy to get the minimal preparations in place.

I won't get into the paint job that turned into a 2-week saga, but *thank goodness* (!!!) I had taken the effort to clean out the little room for the painting in the first place! See, I am now on modified bed rest and am not allowed to spend much time standing or walking or exerting myself much. This is even harder for me than usual pregnancy slowness! For one thing, all those little errands I was going to run after recovering from my cold are right out! For another thing, I do have friends and family (including Mr Sweetie) to do things for me, but they also have their own lives. Now I not only have to stifle my energetic impulses but ask other people to fulfill them for me! It's hard. It's especially hard when I cannot take care of my usual household routines. I need my routines!

My best strategy for Mr Sweetie is to make a (modestly long, I mean short) list of tasks for him each day. That gives me a place to put my ideas (rather than verbally raining them on him when he gets home), and it gives him something concrete to work off of and see accomplished. So far, we both like it. He surprised me by saying that we should continue this method after the baby is born.

In any case, off I go. Maybe I'll be back home today, maybe not.
--

Organics Mindfully *Thud*

Help, I've fallen off the organic wagon!

I started "eating healthy" when I was a wee tot. Mostly per force as my mother (a public health nurse) followed all the latest health information. So we ate low-salt, low-fat and beans before it was a blip on most people's radar (unless you were a hippie vegetarian, and I did baby sit for one of our neighbors in that category). My mother didn't go whole hog and make us eat vegetarian, but we did drink reconstituted dry low-fat milk. Come to think of it, that was probably an economic decision. How fitting, because that plays into my trajectory as well.

So in college, I was eating cafeteria food, and that wasn't bad. But I've never been an enthusiastic meat eater, and when I started cooking on my own, I started preparing meat dishes less and less often. Partly because it was such a pain to trim and cut, and partly because, well, it was expensive. Oh, I know how to make a mean middle eastern stew, but I have almost always lived with/been involved with friends/men who enjoyed eating veggies and things like lentils.

I've even been known to convert a few people, myself. Witness my well-developed collection of different lentil recipes from over the years, some acquired, many invented.

One current version includes portobello mushrooms, green curry paste, and a bit of salad on the side. Cheese optional.


(Side story: Many years ago, one friend was doing well following the Weight Watchers program. They challenged her just before Thanksgiving, "what is your plan for eating healthily during the holiday?" She proudly replied that she was going to visit her friend (me) and that I'd feed her *lentils*!! haha!)

So about 10 years ago, I started becoming more aware of environmental issues and shopping at my local food co-op. I reused bags, bought staples in bulk, and learned about avoiding pesticides and shopping locally. I also met my husband-to-be, an ethical vegetarian. From the first, Mr Sweetie has been firm but never dogmatic about his food ideals. I hate being told what to do, so this suited me. Being given both a model and a method, I started becoming not only more of a vegetarian but an organic enthusiast. Organic rice, organic beans, organic fruits and veggies, organic cleaners and plastic bags for Pete's sake, even though I was already edging towards my love for canvas bags.



(Another side story: One of the first presents Mr Sweetie ever gave me was a set of canvas grocery bags from his food co-op, bags that I had been coveting for some time. Typically, he set it up so that he didn't give them to me directly, but dropped me less and less subtle hints that he always kept *his* co-op bags in his *car*, until I finally figured out the new bags sitting on the table were for me. This prepped me for a lifetime of getting his subtle and enduring his not-so-subtle jokes, but that's another story altogether!)

In the intervening years, we have been blessed to be surrounded not only by a whole range of good-food models (everything from organic farmers to people who ate only local produce, to people who raised organic chickens, or who were also concerned about avoiding over-packaging, unhealthy additives, et al), but a good range of organic and local food opportunities.

Delightfully fresh produce from one local CSA.


In my area alone, there are (or were) at least two food co-ops, at least 1-2 chains featuring organic produce and products, local producers of everything from natural soaps to beekeepers to grain-fed beef, too many CSAs to count (small-farms with opportunities for Community Supported Agriculture subscriptions), a farmers market in every community in the region, and acquaintances who raise their own chickens and cows. Even a number of restaurants that feature local and/or organic ingredients. You can eat only local greens growing within the surrounding counties or go for the shipped-at-high-cost salad greens from across the continent/hemisphere at all months of the year, or grow your own.

Mixed greens for braising, some turnip greens, carrots, green onion, sweet red bell pepper, and basil.


I've learned to appreciate things like beet greens and kohlrabi and *drool* green garlic.


So there is huge support for eating well at whatever level you desire.


Turnip soup including both roots and greens

Recently, though, I've been backing off from the height of organic eating. It's the produce deliveries that we can't eat fast enough. It's the growing acknowledgment that the one co-op is considerably more expensive for most items, and the other co-op that is (was) being mis-managed. Even the big commercial natural foods store is pretty darn pricey, OMG. And our food budget has been way out of control. Since Summer, I've gradually started to cut back. I've had to cut back. I've had to shop both quality and volume to keep this baby fed.

First it was the organic yogurt that averages 10 cents per cup more than at the conventional store. Then it was the orange juice that runs 50 cents more for the same product (and that's for conventional oj). Then it was the broccoli at $4 a head! Ack! I think it was the *gulp* $8 bag of organic grapes that tipped me over the edge. I had to make better choices about which food was worth buying at organic prices, and which I should go for quality that I could actually afford.

So now, I don't automatically buy organic. I blame it on the economy and the fact that we have been ignoring our food budget for far too long. No more just piling on the produce with no worries about the total. I don't want to give them up entirely, but we've been forced to make more conscious choices, and isn't that ironic? It may not be healthy to the nth degree, but organics are sadly not necessesarily the healthiest for our budget.

And where will I go from here? I'm starting to edge more towards local food rather than strictly organic, food with low-mileage and low-processing credentials. Not that I will give up my imported chocolate (pu-lease!), but I am more motivated to shop our farmer's market on a regular basis. I'm currently psyched about growing winter greens and making my own mozzarella cheese from scratch with locally raised milk. Ha! Guess which book I have been reading recently! And of course, I'm still eating rice and lentils. I won't give up my locally-made goat cheese nom nom!

I won't go "back to the land," but I will be going back to basics and reevaluating my food priorities. It seems to be one of the few good things about this economy.

Good eating and shopping choices to you. Here's to mindful choices, whatever they be.
--